Hi all! I’m popping in to say that I’m still here and still alive and haven’t forgotten about this blog–I’ve just been super busy! The end of the school year is always a crazy time in my life and things tend to be neglected while I focus on what I need to do to wrap things up and check out of my classroom on time.
“Neglected” may be an understatement! My car has a ton of junk in the cargo area, dog hair all over the back seat, hasn’t been vacuumed in months, and needs a car wash. Ever since I bought my car, I’ve been picky about it being dirty, so this drives me nuts. My house is dusty and there’s little bits of clutter everywhere. My couches are covered in dog hair and my carpet really needs to be deep cleaned. My nightstand has hall passes and star chart sticker sheets from work all over the surface. My desk at work is a disaster and a half, with papers strewn everywhere.
Everything’s kind of a mess while I just try to make it to June 8th. I’d love to come home after work each day and tackle something on my to-do list daily, but for the past couple of months, I’ve been exhausted and now spend many of my evenings napping.
Why so tired? Well…it turns out our most recent infertility treatment (Clomid and Proxeed for M) worked.
Yep. I’m pregnant.
It took 30 months/2.5 years/919 days to get to this point, but we’re here now and my emotions are all over the place.
I’m happy, of course. It’s something that felt out of reach for so long. I was ready to give up.
I’m a bit sad because my mom’s not here to share my news with. It would be nice to have her by my side through this process.
I’m feeling guilty because I know that I have friends who are struggling (but they don’t know that I know) and I know how hard it is to see yet another announcement on social media. I don’t want to be a source of pain for them, and I know that they’ll smile, congratulate me, and feel terrible inside. That’s why I haven’t said anything online yet as of drafting this post. (Note: by the time this is published, I should have said something publicly on FB and IG–I’m writing this early to give myself a deadline)
I’m terrified. I’m scared that this pregnancy will end, something will go wrong at the hospital, or that I’ll be a terrible parent. I’m scared that we won’t have the finances to raise a child and pay for child care. I absolutely cannot leave my job to stay home, so future daycare costs are haunting me. I’ve had next to no traditional symptoms (zero morning sickness) and it terrifies me that something is wrong.
I’m stressed out because I have to finish this school year. I have a to-do list that’s a mile long to tackle at work, and I’m thankful that some of my students are stepping up to help me out so that I don’t have to do it all alone. Most of my students have been great since I shared the news. They’re happy, giving me name ideas, and making sure my stress level is low. One checks my heart rate daily on my Apple Watch when he gets to class and tells me to calm down if it’s too high. Some students have gone the other way and have actually increased their frequency of misbehaviors, but it’s middle school–that’s to be expected.
Overall, I’m doing okay, and that’s really what matters.
I hope this explains my hiatus a bit better. I’m trying my best to adopt a regular posting schedule here. 🙂
- Succulents…or “Finally, a plant that I can’t kill!” - June 12, 2017
- 5 Eco-Friendly Swaps You Can Make THIS MONTH - June 5, 2017
- On my recent hiatus… - June 3, 2017
- My favorite podcasts - April 10, 2017
- Review: Own It by Sallie Krawcheck (B4B) - April 9, 2017
- My favorite quote - March 1, 2017
- 17 for 2017 - February 22, 2017
- My journey into reusable products - February 15, 2017
- About Blogging for Books - February 12, 2017
- Committing to Keto (for life!) - January 30, 2017